In this episode, we unpack the viral statement made by Natalie Dawson on The Diary of a CEO: “You are not a candle, you can’t burn out.”

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Is burnout real? Or are we misunderstanding it?

Sarah, Gemma, Shelley and Jade share their honest thoughts on productivity, pressure, and the reality of modern life, especially for women.

From the constant drive to “do more” to the guilt of slowing down, this conversation explores the fine line between ambition and exhaustion.

This is a real, relatable discussion for anyone who’s ever felt overwhelmed, stuck on the treadmill, or unsure whether they need rest… or just more discipline.

In this episode:

• The truth about burnout (and why it’s not one-size-fits-all)
• Why productivity can become tied to self-worth The pressure to always be “on”
• The blurred line between rest and laziness

Real experiences and perspectives from four women navigating it all If you’ve ever said “I’m overwhelmed… but I’ll just keep going,” this one’s for you.

Transcript: 

Welcome back. Today we’re diving into the topic of mental health burnout. Burnout is not just being tired — it’s mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion. One of the most powerful lines heard recently on burnout, one that brought up so many negative feelings, was: “We can’t burn out. We’re not candles.” Simple, but it’s not that simple to say.

77% of women report feeling burnt out in the last year, and women are twice as likely to burn out and experience emotional exhaustion as men.

So what are the early signs of burnout, and what are the signs that women in particular tend to ignore? The body tells you way before. And we are so either conditioned or resilient — perhaps both — that we ignore those signs, again and again. We don’t pay attention, and then those signals get a bit louder. You might start getting a bit anxious, a bit headachy, experiencing palpitations. You might struggle with sleep or feel particularly tired. All of this comes before your body says: we are burnt out. And then, hopefully, it’s not too late — but you would have been in a much better place if you’d listened earlier. Our lifestyles these days make us just carry on, and carry on, and carry on, and ignore it.

Everyone’s body is different in how it screams for help. It could be your skin, your jaw, a bloated stomach, periods going out of alignment. These are real, physical symptoms — and they are always ignored.

There’s something else that happens when we start to feel out of control or burnt out: we create more chaos and more tasks to do. Feeling overwhelmed? Let’s decorate the lounge. Let’s record a brand new series in a month. These things happen because we start to feel wobbly and latch on to something that might make us feel better, or we decide we need to create a nicer environment at home. It becomes about the extra stuff we can do to make ourselves feel good, rather than just stopping.

And don’t you find it’s usually after you’ve come out of that period that you realise how bad it was? It’s really hard to see it when you’re in it, but really easy to see it when you get out.

Women in particular worship at the altar of being busy. Productivity is a badge of honour. There’s a fine line between looking after yourself and being lazy — and that tension is real. But the body knows the difference. It’s not laziness; it’s self-care.

Tamu Thomas talks beautifully about reframing ambition. After going through burnout herself, her ambition became simply to be a well-rested woman. There’s something so beautiful — and so triggering — about that, for anyone still running hard and believing that slowing down means falling behind.

So how do we start unlearning the idea that burnout is the price of success? When you think about what success looks like, you have to think about how you’re going to feel — because you can have things, but at what cost? Health and rest are part of success. The minute you lose your health, you want it back. But we take it for granted.

The landscape for women right now is incredibly difficult. We are still in a 1950s role — running households, carrying the mental load — while also being modern, ambitious women, often with the pressure of two incomes needed in the household. What a blessing to be these modern women. But you are going to drop some balls. The landscape is impossible, and we need to change the way it’s supposed to look, because we simply cannot do it all.

We have to protect ourselves and see ourselves as important people. There’s a duty to ourselves — and to our families — not to burn out. That means people sometimes have to wait a little longer. No one is going to die if things don’t get done right now. Reframe it. Be kind to yourself. Prioritise your own health and happiness.

They say you can’t pour from an empty cup — but the hard part is figuring out how to fill the cup and keep pouring. Everything is still moving whether you like it or not. You can’t stand still long enough for it to get full. It depletes again every time it marginally goes up.

Sometimes the self-care becomes another tick box. I did the retreat. I did the thing that was supposed to rest me. So why aren’t I rested? The answer is that rest isn’t always about doing something restorative — sometimes you just have to stop. Turn all the noise off. The cogs are still turning, but you just have to stop.

And consistency matters. Creating space once is a start — but then do it again. And again. Be as consistent with giving yourself space as you are with everything else.

So if burnout is this common, and this invisible, what actually helps? Consistently giving yourself space. Small, realistic steps.

One insight that cuts deep: stop trying to get to the end of something before you allow yourself to have fun or rest. Joy and fun should be in everything you do — you shouldn’t have to earn it. The “I just need to get to the weekend” mindset is a cycle many women have been stuck in for months at a time.

Rest doesn’t only mean sleeping or taking a day off. Rest also comes from restoring fun, joy, and soulful activities. It’s productive restoration — recharging a drained battery by feeding your soul. It could be performing arts, painting, reading, a walk, anything. Find what sparks your joy and do it consistently.

Gratitude practices help too. Even picking out one moment from the day — actually, I really enjoyed doing that — and sitting with it. If you do it enough, you’ll keep doing it.

Sleep is also a really important habit we often overlook. We compromise on sleep to fit something else in — work, children, a bit of me time, a bit of doom scrolling. But going to bed early, waking up rested, getting out in the daylight — these simple things are genuinely good for you. Sleeping, eating healthily, doing a little workout — these aren’t treats. These are the basic functions that make us better people.

A recent study showed that 64% of women didn’t realise they were burnt out until their physical health began to decline — headaches, insomnia, anxiety, emotional numbness.

For anyone right at the beginning of burnout recovery, one thing that genuinely helps: sleep. If you are completely overwhelmed and burnt out, take the kids to school and go back to bed. Give yourself a few hours. And if there’s more than that — write down your thoughts to get them out of your head. Give yourself some quiet space and time. A bath with candles. A quiet walk. Get everything that’s whirring around out and stop.

Nature and daylight are also powerful. Go for a walk. If you’re near woods, lovely. The seafront, lovely. Even a local park — get some daylight, get some fresh air. There is a beautiful simplicity to nature that can bring you back to yourself.

And sometimes the answer is just to do something completely different. Call a friend. Walk away from your desk. When you’re buried in work and can’t see the other side, walking away — even for five minutes — makes things feel lighter when you come back. Also: strip back the multitasking. Close some of the tabs. Focus on one thing, get it done, then move on to the next.

Burnout is real. We are not candles. It’s not that simple, of course — human beings are complex, and burnout looks different from one person to the next. There are much more extreme burnouts than the ones described here: people completely stopping functioning, having to be medically helped to come out of it. The message from those who’ve been there is clear — no one is coming to save you. We are grown women, and we have to save ourselves.

What one person is capable of achieving in a day is different to someone else, and that’s okay. Don’t compare. Ask yourself: who is actually making you burnt out? The answer, often, is you. Nobody else can do that to you. And there is a difference between being motivated and purpose-driven, and being burnt out — but only you truly know which one you’re in.

The goal? To be like a ninja — totally effective and productive, but with a sense of zen. Really balanced. That’s what success could look like.